Letters From the Labyrinth 86

Hello. I'm Brian Keene and this is Letters From the Labyrinth -- a weekly newsletter for fans of my work. Previous issues are archived here.
I've been on my own all week. Mary is in New Jersey, where she has just become an aunt for the second time. Her sister and the new baby are doing fine. He's a cute little guy.
You might think me being left home alone for a week led to much danger and whiskey and nonsense, but you'd be wrong. I've been nursing a killer sinus infection all week. It was bad enough that yesterday my gums and the tissue below my eyes began to swell. So...I cured it.
Here is Brian Keene's cure for sinus infections:
1. Take warm water and put it in a squirt bottle. The water should be WARM. Too hot and you'll burn yourself. Too cold and it won't be effective.
2. Add salt. I used regular table salt but you can use sea salt if you like.
3. Insert squirt bottle nozzle in one nostril and very, very, very GENTLY squirt warm saltwater into your nose.
4. Curse and seethe in pain, collapse to your knees, gripping the sink, certain that your eyes are boiling out of your head and your teeth are falling out and lava-weasels are burrowing through your nasal passages.
5. Stand back up. Repeat steps 3 and 4 with your other nostril.
6. If you haven't passed out from the pain, rinse out your squirt bottle, getting rid of all the salt, and fill it with room temperature water.
7. Squirt the non-salt water into your nose and flush the salt from your sinuses.
Now, look...this works, but unlike me, you probably have health insurance. So for Cthulhu's sake, go to the doctor and get some antibiotics.
But yes, if you don't have health insurance, this will do the trick. It is incredibly, INCREDIBLY painful, and you may have to do it several days in a row, but it will work.
So, that was part of my week.
I also filed my taxes, which is a three-day job. And I worked on THE DOOR. And yesterday, horror and bizarro author John Bruni drove 11 hours to be on my podcast, so we recorded an interview with him, which you can hear next Thursday on The Horror Show with Brian Keene.
And both of my sons and I watched THE LAST JEDI. (We also rewatched the 1960 adaptation of THE TIME MACHINE, which has become my 10-year old's favorite movie...something which delights me to no end.
Sinus infections and paying taxes both suck.
But time with my kids made up for them.
Speaking of John Bruni, stylistically, he's a blend of Edward Lee and Jeremy Robert Johnson. But he also wrote a fantastic straight crime novel (with no bizarro undertones) called STRIP.
Click here to check it out on Kindle or in paperback.
People keep asking for a peek at my office (which also serves as the recording studio for my podcast) so this week, I filmed a little seven minute tour. You can view it on YouTube by clicking the link below. (I'm not going to risk embedding the video in this newsletter).
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE TOUR
Among some of the things featured are signed Richard Laymon and Arthur Machen books, and a look at my Works-In-Progress whiteboard.
Here is a list of my book signings and convention appearances for Spring and Summer 2018. As I warned last year, this year's public appearances are limited. It's just Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Rhode Island, and Texas. So if you live anywhere near one of these locations, or you have some vacation time coming up, consider coming out:
May 11 – 12
Second Annual Horror Show with Brian Keene 24-Hour Telethon
Courtyard Marriott
2799 Concord Road
York PA 17402
Note: Ticket Required For Admittance. Click Here To Purchase Ticket.
June 9
Protean Books & Records
836 Leadenhall St
Baltimore, MD 21230
Note: Signing noon to 3 with Mary SanGiovanni, Stephen Kozeniewski, and Wesley Southard.
July 19 – 22
NECON 38
Baypoint Inn & Conference Center
144 Anthony Rd.
Portsmouth, RI 02871
Note: I will be receiving the Necon Legend Award (along with fellow honoree Carole Whitney).
August 3 – 5
Scares That Care Weekend 5
Doubletree By Hilton
50 Kingsmill Road
Williamsburg, Virginia, 23185
August 24 – 26
KillerCon
Wingate by Wyndham Conference Center
Round Rock, Texas
Here's a massive update on the telethon mentioned above, with new info:
The Horror Show with Brian Keene is holding its second annual 24-hour live streaming telethon to raise money for Scares That Care, a 501C(3) charity that helps children with cancer, women with breast cancer, and burn victims. STC is a completely volunteer organization. None of our staff and no one on the Board of Directors draws a salary. The money goes directly to the families in need. Our goal for this year $20,000 is 24 hours.
The 2018 Horror Show with Brian Keene Telethon will begin at noon (EST) on May 11 and end at noon (EST) on May 12. Just like last year, it will be live-streamed for free across the world. This year that stream will be via the Project Entertainment Network’s YouTube channel.
You can also attend the telethon in person, and be part of our live studio audience. The telethon will be held at Courtyard Marriott 2799 Concord Road, York PA 17402. You will need a ticket to be part of the live studio audience. Tickets are $25 and can be purchased here. Seating is limited to 80 people. (All proceeds raised from ticket sales will go directly to the $20,000 goal). Your ticket guarantees you 24-hour admission to the telethon — come and go (and sleep) as you please. Please note that by purchasing a ticket and attending, you are granting The Horror Show with Brian Keene permission to broadcast your voice and/or likeness live on the air.
You can also purchase an official limited edition t-shirt commemorating the 2nd annual telethon. Shirts are available in a wide variety of styles and colors. Once again, 100% of the proceeds from t-shirt sales will go toward the $20,000 goal. Click here to purchase one in your size.
Who will be joining us live and in-studio for the telethon? Well, the staff of The Horror Show will be there, of course — myself, Dave Thomas, Mary SanGiovanni, Mike Lombardo, Geoff Cooper, and Phoebe. Also confirmed to attend are Richard Chizmar, Jeff Strand, Lynne Hansen, Dan padavona, Stephen Kozeniewski, John Urbancik, Scott Edelman, Armand Rosamilia, Chuck Buda, Ralph Bieber, Somer Canon, and many more…including about a dozen surprise guests.
A reminder that Camelot Books are also raising money for Scares That Care. They are offering a set of signed limited editions of Edward Lee’s HEADER 2 and HEADER 3 for just $50! That’s right! Two hardcover signed limited edition Edward Lee books for the price of one. Camelot Books will donate $20.00 from every set sold to Scares That Care. They have set aside 100 sets for this endeavour to reach a $2000 donation for this good cause.
Click here to purchase your set. And a very big thank you to Camelot Books!
As I was putting together this newsletter, it came to my attention that Dark Regions Press is no longer listing me as a contributor to the limited edition of Richard Laymon's FUNLAND.
The book was initially sold as including an Introduction by Jack Ketchum, and Afterword by myself, and signed by both of us. I know that both of us turned in our material, and I know that both of us signed and delivered the signature sheets (they were among the last things Ketchum ever signed). Receipt of those items was confirmed on Dark Regions' end.
I have no knowledge of what is currently happening, but if you pre-ordered the book with the understanding that those things would be included, email Dark Regions Press and verify their inclusion. If they aren't included, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask for a refund (if my involvement was why you preordered). If your concerns aren't handled, let me know.
Somebody asked on Twitter who my favorite authors of all time are. Consider this list my definitive Top Twenty (but not in any particular order):
1. Steve Gerber
2. Stephen King
3. Hunter S. Thompson
4. Richard Laymon
5. Alan Moore
6. F. Paul Wilson
7. John Steinbeck
8. Joe R Lansdale
9. David J. Schow
10. John Skipp (both solo and with various collaborators)
11. J.M. DeMatteis
12. Brian Hodge
13. Michael Marshall Smith
14. Carlton Mellick III
15. William Hope Hodgson
16. Edgar Rice Burroughs
17. Robert E. Howard
18. Bryan Smith
19. Edward Lee
20. Jack Ketchum
CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing
CURRENTLY LISTENING: Grim Reaper - See You In Hell
CURRENTLY READING: Terror Is Our Business: Dana Roberts' Casebook of Horrors by Joe R. Lansdale and Kasey Lansdale
This new Lansdale collection is out in May. Here's my blurb for it: "There's a new occult detective in town. She's tougher than Buffy, smarter than John Constantine, and more resourceful than Repairman Jack. She's Dana Roberts, and the supernatural fears her with good reason." -- Brian Keene
That's it for this week. As always:
PATREON - Where I post new short stories, writing advice essays, a serialized ongoing novel, and behind-the-scenes stuff.
TWITTER - The only social media outlet I still use regularly.
See you back here next week.