Letters From the Labyrinth 87
Letters From the Labyrinth 87
Hi. I'm Brian Keene and this is Letters From the Labyrinth -- a weekly newsletter for fans of my work. Previous issues are archived here.
ADVENTURES IN SINUS INFECTIONS - Part Two
People sometimes ask me about synchronicity magic and how it works (since the only pop culture frame of reference seems to be John Constantine: Hellblazer, and that's fiction). 95% of it is being able to read the signs and portents around you, and adjust your responses accordingly.
For example: Things have been pretty great for the last six months or so, culminating last week with a new birth in our extended family and the release of CLICKERS FOREVER in paperback and Kindle. That's where the universe was when I went to bed last night.
I woke up at 6am Monday. Within four hours, the dog was on his way to the vet for an emergency infection, the cat had contracted a UTI and was pissing blood, the brand-new rear tire on my brand-new car blew up, and this damn sinus infection seemed to be growing legs and move into areas where salt water and neti pots won't reach.
A synchronicity magician reads these signs and portents and determines that something very bad is coming. These are all precursors to it -- harbingers, if you will. The synchronicity magician can't divine what the bad thing will be. He or she can only determine that it is on its way. And prep themselves to shoulder the attack.
So, to summarize, Synchronicity magic is pretty much worthless. It's a belief system for paranoids and sociopaths. It is karma's special needs cousin. Pick a proper belief system instead.
***
"And that was how they killed him, covered in the ashes of his dearest friend." - Preacher by Garth Ennis
By Tuesday, I had a list of "alternative" cures from Mary, and authors Somer Canon, Monica J. O'Rourke, and Kelli Owen. I decided to try all of these alternative cures at once.
And that was how they killed me, covered in a noxious mixture of green bloody snot, distilled water, cayenne pepper, salt, eucalyptus, white willow bark, echinacea, pineapple juice, and oil of oregano, with an empty squirt bottle at my side and the cats and the dog and the hermit crabs eating me...
***
By Wednesday, I'd had enough. Worse, the sinus infection had spread to my 10-year old. So, he and I jumped in the car after school and went to Urgent Care, because they take his health insurance and also let me pay cash for myself (because I have no health insurance). We both got a hefty dose of antibiotics. While there, I got other bad news and good news. The good news was I'd dropped more weight. I'm now down to 206. (I started trying to lose weight at 228). The bad news was my blood pressure was 142/98. They advised me to come back after the distilled water, cayenne pepper, salt, eucalyptus, white willow bark, echinacea, pineapple juice, and oil of oregano are out of my system, and get it checked again.
***
As a result of all this nonsense, the only thing I got done this week was an installment of my History of Horror Fiction column and Episode 8 of THE DOOR. That episode is due next Tuesday, so I'm glad to have it out of the way.
Things are starting to stack-up and converge now, and it's all about THE DOOR. The season finale is due a month from today, and I've got the telethon in-between, so basically, I've got like two weeks to complete it.
Speaking of which, a reminder that THE DOOR will be revealed like at 7pm (EST) during the telethon, which takes place May 11 and 12th. Just like last year, it will be live-streamed for free across the world. This year that stream will be via the Project Entertainment Network’s YouTube channel.
You can also attend the telethon in person, and be part of our live studio audience. The telethon will be held at Courtyard Marriott 2799 Concord Road, York PA 17402. You will need a ticket to be part of the live studio audience. Tickets are $25 and can be purchased here.
You can also purchase an official limited edition t-shirt commemorating the 2nd annual telethon. Shirts are available in a wide variety of styles and colors. Click here to purchase one in your size.
This week's big news is that CLICKERS FOREVER: A TRIBUTE TO J.F. GONZALEZ is now available in paperback and Kindle!
Few Millennium-era horror authors left as big an imprint on the genre as J.F. Gonzalez. CLICKERS FOREVER: A TRIBUTE TO J.F. GONZALEZ, edited by Brian Keene, celebrates his rich legacy, featuring some of horror’s biggest names alongside tomorrow’s stars in a massive career-spanning tribute.
Featuring stories set in Gonzalez’s literary worlds of CLICKERS, SURVIVOR, PRIMITIVE, and RESTORE FROM BACK-UP; examinations of his creative process and the lasting impact of his seminal works; personal tributes and anecdotes from those who knew him best; and much more. A must-have for fans of J.F. Gonzalez and horror fiction.
The Authors: J.F. Gonzalez, Brian Keene, Jonathan Maberry, Mary SanGiovanni, David J. Schow, John Skipp, Jeff Strand, Weston Ochse, Wayne Allen Sallee, Kelli Owen, Nick Mamatas, Wrath James White, Jonathan Janz, Robert Swartwood, Kristopher Rufty, Adam Cesare, Gene O’Neill, John Urbancik, Gord Rollo, Gabino Iglesias, Monica O’Rourke, Mike Oliveri, Matt Hayward, Robert Ford, Mike Lombardo, Jeff Burk, Lesley Conner, Matt Serafini, Stephen Kozeniewski, Michael T. Huyck, Jay Wilburn, Geoff Cooper, Charles Rutledge, Wesley Southard, Kyle Lybeck, Amber Fallon, Dave Thomas, and Wile E. Young.
All proceeds benefit the family of J.F. Gonzalez
CLICK HERE TO BUY THE PAPERBACK
END OF THE ROAD goes up for pre-order this coming Tuesday (4/24) from Cemetery Dance.
A post-Danse Macabre examination of modern horror fiction, and the people who write it, and the world they live -- and die -- in, END OF THE ROAD is a hardcover, signed by me, that costs $40 and also comes with a free copy of John Urbancik's ON THE ROAD WITH BRIAN KEENE.
I am pleased to announce that my free weekly podcast The Horror Show with Brian Keene has won the 2017 This Is Horror Award for ‘Nonfiction Podcast of the Year’. I’m honored and humbled. Our goal has always been to teach about horror’s past, its present, and its future, and it is wonderful to see the support for that endeavor. On behalf of myself, Dave Thomas, Mary SanGiovanni, Mike Lombardo, Coop, Phoebe, and Dungeonmaster 77.1, thank you!
For a list of all the winners, click here.
This is week, I rejoined the HWA (Horror Writers Association). A lot of my friends wondered if I'd fallen and hit my head, or perhaps been taken over by pod people. Neither of those things were the reason.
A few years ago, I outlined examples of what I felt were systemic, decade-spanning failures across multiple administrations within the Horror Writers Association (HWA). If you’ve been listening to my weekly podcast, The Horror Show with Brian Keene, then you know that for the past six months (perhaps a little more), we’ve been noting some marked improvements within the organization, including, but not limited to, their responses to the concerns of their members and their response times to those concerns.
Perhaps it’s the new blood taking up positions within the Officers and the Board. Perhaps it’s a renewed focus on behalf of the veteran Officers and Board. Perhaps it’s reinvigoration and hard work from the members themselves. Or perhaps (in my opinion) it’s all three of these things (and more). Whatever the cause, it is my opinion that the HWA is definitely on the right track. Yes, there are still obstacles to overcome, but it is clear to me that the organization is working toward that goal. This should be applauded and encouraged. To show my support and encouragement, I have rejoined the HWA.
This will be a big week of content on PATREON, with a new short story, a new writing advice essay, a new chapter of THE SEVEN: THE LABYRINTH BOOK 1, and a new behind-the-scenes piece all going up over the next few days.
Last week, we discussed how many of you had pointed out that Dark Regions Press was no longer listing me as a contributor to the limited edition of Richard Laymon's FUNLAND. Many of you wrote to them about it. I am told that they now have me listed again. I have no idea what's going on...
Joe Hill and I were emailing back and forth this week, and our conversation reminded me that I'd been wanting to recommend a book to you all for a while now, and keep forgetting. That book is WHY HORROR SEDUCES by Mathias Clasen and it's available in paperback and Kindle (albeit a little pricey, as academic studies often are).
Joe calls it, "One of the most brilliant surveys of the genre in decades." I call it, "lively and engaging and not at all “stuffy".
We're both right.
That's it for this week. As always:
PATREON - Where I post new short stories, writing advice essays, a serialized ongoing novel, and behind-the-scenes stuff.
TWITTER - The only social media outlet I still use regularly.
See you back here next week.