Letters From the Labyrinth 96
Howdy. I'm Brian Keene and this is Letters From the Labyrinth -- a weekly newsletter for fans of my work. Previous issues are archived here.
I'll keep things short this week. Author Paul Tremblay will be here later today and Mary and I still need to get the house in order. She has to make up the bed in the spare room, go grocery shopping, clean the house, and generally make things look clean and tidy and inviting, as one does for an overnight guest.
I am not being sexist when I say that Mary is doing those things. Indeed, I am normally the one who does a lot of those typical household chores, because I enjoy doing them. But I'm still recovering from the accident (the tip of my elbow came off Friday night and I bled all over the bed -- that was fun). So, she's pitching in.
She's also doing them because my job, she has decided, is to go outside and kill all the mayflies.
This is a mayfly.
Sexy little bugger, ain't it? Mayflies are exactly like those bugs from Stephen King's THE MIST, except that there are more of them in real life than there are in the novella or movie, and instead of hanging out on grocery store windows, they have taken to hanging out on our house and dock instead. Literally every exterior surface of our home -- every window, wall, chimney, gutter, roof and door -- is covered with clinging mayflies. When we open the door, dozens of them swoop inside, much to the delight of our cats. If we venture outside, we are dive-bombed by countless mayflies between the house and the car or my office. They get inside the air conditioners and the dryer vent. They cover the picnic table and the dock in a gray, writhing, fluttering carpet.
It should be noted that this is the final stage in a mayfly's life. This is their adult form, and they only live for 24-hours. But they spend those 24 hours fucking. That's pretty much all they do. They fuck on our windows and cars and doors and picinic tables, and then they lay their eggs and then they die.
And then next summer, they swarm again and it's another mayfly orgy.
Experience has taught me that the next month will see an endless spawn of mayflies celebrating their final 24 hours of life. It will be over around the end of July. Now, I would be happy to let them get their groove on and then die, but Mary is seriously freaked out by them, and the cats keep trying to eat them, I suspect it's not polite to allow them to dive-bomb Paul upon his arrival.
So, once I finish this newsletter, I have to go outside and battle the mayflies. Imagine the look on poor Paul Tremblay's face when he pulls into my driveway later today. I'm sure he'll be apprehensive, wondering what my arm looks like, and whether or not I'm back to my old self, or if the accident has left me in a physically weakened, emotionally fragile state. And he'll get out of the car and I'll come lurching around the corner of the yard, a can of RAID bug spray clutched in my good hand, a glass of bourbon in my burned hand, wearing my beekeeper bonnet and a respirator, grinning that grin and welcoming him to rural Pennsylvania in a swirling, choking cloud of insecticide. Most likely, he'll jump in the car and flee...
I'm feeling much better, by the way, except for the tip of my elbow falling off on Friday night...
We got our first accident-related bill this week. It was a shocking amount, even with the substantial discount, but it was nice to be able to pay it without worrying. We have all of you who contributed to the GoFundMe to thank for that.
We are, of course, aware that there are many, many, MANY more bills on the way, and that this was just the tip of the iceberg. But we have a good advocate doing what they can to lower the costs, and we'll manage.
Mary and I both appreciate your continued efforts.
While Paul is here, we're going to have him on The Horror Show with Brian Keene to talk about his new novel THE CABIN AT THE END OF THE WORLD (for which i'm thanked in the acknowledgments as his gun consultant). That episode will air next Thursday night.
Last week's episode, which is up for free now on iTunes, Spotify and this handy link details my accident in full. This will probably be the only time I talk about it at that length, so if you're curious, give it a listen.
Speaking of listens, it's been very cool to see people tuning in to Brian Keene Radio at all hours of day and night. if you missed that announcement or aren't sure how to listen, click here for details.
This weekend featured a Mary SanGiovanni Marathon (which is still playing if you're reading this Sunday). That was to celebrate her new novel BEHIND THE DOOR, which you can pre-order on Kindle and in paperback.
Managed to get some more writing done last week, still using the combination of the dictation software and my hands. On Patreon, I posted a new chapter of THE SEVEN and an excerpt from FINAL RETREAT by myself and J.F. Gonzalez. This week, a new short story and a new writing essay will go live, as well.
A reminder on some upcoming appearances:
July 19 – 22
NECON 38
Baypoint Inn & Conference Center
144 Anthony Rd.
Portsmouth, RI 02871
Note: I will be receiving the Necon Legend Award (along with fellow honoree Carole Whitney).
August 3 – 5
Scares That Care Weekend 5
Doubletree By Hilton
50 Kingsmill Road
Williamsburg, Virginia, 23185
August 24 – 26
KillerCon
Wingate by Wyndham Conference Center
Round Rock, Texas
A reminder that I'm not the only horror writer in our community who currently needs help:
Author Dustin LaValley had to undergo a total proctocolectomy (removal of colon and rectum). Although, unlike myself, he's lucky enough to have health insurance, it didn't cover the entire procedure, nor will it cover his missed writing time and the bills that will stack up. Dustin's father has started a GoFundMe for him. Click here to view it.
Author Billy Martin (published as Poppy Z. Brite) is trying to restore his mother's house. The place is in bad shape and needs Hazmat-level cleaning. Here's a GoFundMe with the details.
And Evie, the daughter of my old friend, author Duane Swierczynski, has been diagnosed with leukemia. If you live in or near Los Angeles, you can donate blood (if you are O+) and/or platelets. You don’t have to match her blood type for platelets. You need to come to CHLA and do it there, on site. Her donor number is #4235887. Also, you need to give her legal name: Sarah, and her DOB, which is 7/15/03.
Okay, that's it for this week. If you love somebody, make sure you tell them today. Don't just assume that they know. Reach out and tell them. You don't need to wait for a special holiday.
As always:
PATREON - Where I post new short stories, writing advice essays, a serialized ongoing novel, and behind-the-scenes stuff.
TWITTER - The only social media outlet I still use regularly.
BRIAN KEENE RADIO - Broadcasting for free 24/7
I'll see you back next week.