Letters From the Labyrinth 102

Hi, folks. Welcome back to Letters From the Labyrinth -- a weekly newsletter for fans of my work. Previous issues are archived here.

The good thing about taking gigs involving someone else's Intelletual Property is that such jobs pay way better than anything you'll write and create yourself.

The bad thing about taking gigs involving someone else's Intelletual Property is that such jobs are a pain in the ass.

I've written for dozens of media franchises over the years -- Hellboy, Doctor Who, The X-Files, Alien, Edward Lee's Infernal, Night of the Living Dead, Masters of the Universe, various Marvel Comics and DC Comics characters, Phantasm, Evil Dead, and many, many more. I've also written things that never saw the light of day for twice that number of media franchises.

You've probably heard about Kevin Smith's trouble with producer Jon Peters during Superman Lives -- the giant robot spider story. If not, Kevin tells you about it right here. Friends of mine involved in the production of The Walking Dead have told me about the AMC executive who -- as a cost-cutting idea -- suggested they only use zombies twice in one season.

And I've had my own share of such nitwittery, as well. A studio executive who was interested in optioning THE RISING asked me -- in all seriousness -- if they could film it without zombies. His idea was to substitute a different monster. An executive at the SyFy Channel once told J.F. Gonzalez and I that our pitch for a movie about zombie cavemen was "too smart" for their viewing audience. I once tried to sneak Cthulhu into Masters of the Universe, and recieved an email from one of the toy company's lawyers, who wanted to offer me money for "this new character you created". I didn't get the money because my spate of laughter and cursing gave me away.

For every project I talk about working on, there are usually four or five I'm working on that I don't talk about. This week was one of those -- someone else's media property, a payday that will account for half my income this year, and in the final hour, the thing has come off the rails with the latest equivalent of "could we take out the zombies and insert a giant robot spider instead?"

I got up at five yesterday morning and worked on it until about noon, and saved everybody else a lot of headaches. And then yesterday afternoon I worked on the second draft of CURSE OF THE BASTARDS. And then yesterday evening I worked on the final drafts of INVISIBLE MONSTERS and SUBURBAN GOTHIC.

And I didn't think about dead friends.

Four years ago yesterday, my friend Jason died of an aneurysm. Less than three months later, J.F. Gonzalez died after a very quick battle with cancer.

Three months later, and I'm pretty much healed from my burns, injuries my doctors called "catastrophic".

Four years later, and I'm nowhere near healed from those deaths. Those emotional injuries are far more catastrophic than any burn.

But I can still write. I can still lose myself in it. And so I did.

Most days, I wouldn't be grateful for a job that has me working from 5am until midnight on a Saturday.

But sometimes, it's good to have that job.

And... much as I'm loathe to admit it ... sometimes... on days like those... it's good to have the suits and producers and executives who want you to replace the zombies with a giant robot fucking spider.

For the first time ever, TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME is available as an audiobook, narrated by Chet Williamson. Click here to purchase from Audible.

All across the world, people suddenly vanish in the blink of an eye. From their cars during the rush hour commute. From shopping malls. Their homes. Their beds. Even from the arms of their loved ones. Airline pilots. World leaders. Teachers. Parents. Children. Gone.

Steve, Charlie, and Frank were just trying to get home when it happened. Now they find themselves left behind and wishing they’d disappeared, too. Trapped in the ultimate traffic jam, they watch as civilization collapses, claiming the souls of those around them. God has called his faithful home, but the invitations for Steve, Charlie, and Frank got lost. Now they must set off on foot through a nightmarish postapocalyptic landscape in search of answers. In search of God. In search of their loved ones. And in search of home.

Brian Keene’s TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME — Click here to start listening now!

I mentioned CURSE OF THE BASTARDS above. That's the latest book in the Rogan series, co-written with Steven L. Shrewsbury.

If you haven't read the previous two books:

KING OF THE BASTARDS: Paperback – Kindle – Nook – Kobo – Audible Audiobook – iTunes Audiobook

THRONE OF THE BASTARDS: Paperback – Kindle – Nook – Kobo

CURSE OF THE BASTARDS will be released in hardcover this winter, as part of this year's Maelstrom set from Thunderstorm Books. The other two books in this year's Maelstrom set are Michael T. Huyck's long-awaited, decade-in-the-making novel, and a novella-length philosophical-occult work by me called THE TRIANGLE OF BELIEF.

Next weekend — August 24th through the 26th — I’ll be in Texas as a guest at KillerCon, which takes place at the Wingate by Wyndham Conference Center in Round Rock (near Austin). Click here to get your tickets!

I will have a table in the vendor room where I will sign and sell books all weekend long (that table is shared with Mary SanGiovanni and Kelli Owen, so you can get books by them signed, too). In addition, Deadite Press will also have a table in the vendor room, so most of my horror paperbacks will be available, as well. You are also welcome to bring books from home for me to sign. I never charge for signatures or pictures.

As well as being available to sign books all weekend, I’ll also be participating in programming. For those attending, here is my schedule:

FRIDAY

12pm – Reading – Mary Sangiovanni (No, I’m not scheduled for this, but of course I’m going to go hear my girlfriend read)

4pm – Opening Ceremonies with Guests of Honor: Joe Lansdale, Edward Lee, Brian Keene, Lucy Taylor, and Matt Shaw

8:30pm – The Hot Wing Challenge! Joe Lansdale, Wrath James White, Jeff Burk Hosts: Shane Mckenzie and Brian Keene Our panelists eat progressively hotter wings then answer questions from our hosts. The first one to drink the milk, loses. Who will be the last author standing?

SATURDAY

12pm – Independent Publisher? Mass Market Publisher? Or Self Publish? What’s your best option? Jeff Burk, Brian Keene, Rose O’Keefe, Matt Shaw, Lucy Taylor

3pm – Reading and Q&A with Brian Keene

6pm – Panel – Life Imitates Horror: How to write terrifying fiction in a terrifying world. Nate Southard, Matt Shaw, Brian Keene, Joe Lansdale Gabino Iglesias

8pm – First Annual Splatterpunk Awards (I’ll be one of the hosts)

10pm – Deadite Press Presents The Gross-out Contest! Contestants have 3 minutes to present their most sickening story. (I’ll be one of the judges)

I guest hosted the latest episode of John Urbancik’s INKSTAINS (while John moves from America to Madrid). I read two brand new stories — “Intersectionality” and “Mr. Onion” (the first thing I wrote after my accident earlier this summer). I also discuss friendship and new traditions and the honesty in your art that will outlive us.

Listen for free on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or this handy link.

This Week's Podcasts:

JOHN ANDERSON - The Horror Show with Brian Keene - Ep 181

Actor John Anderson (STRANGER THINGS, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2) joins Brian, Dave, Mary, Phoebe and a live audience for a hilarious and revealing interview about the craft, his influences, the business of acting, and more. Plus, a live audience Q&A and Brian’s mini-review of THE MEG.

Listen for free on iTunes – Spotify – Project Entertainment – iHeartRadio – Stitcher

DEFENDERS DIALOGUE Ep 37

The Six-Fingered Hand saga comes to a senses-shattering conclusion as The Defenders do battle with Satan himself! Plus, Brian and Christopher take a look back at Jim Shooter’s arrival at Marvel.

Listen for free on iTunes – Spotify – Project Entertainment – iHeartRadio – Stitcher

A reminder about DO NOT GO QUIETLY -- a forthcoming new anthology from Apex Publications that includes not just a brand new short story by me, but also a brand new story by J.F. Gonzalez. How is that possible? Well, Jesus had a number of unfinished stories he was working on when he passed away. This is one of those stories, and it is being finished by none other than Lesley Conner — whom he mentored for years before his death.

For full details — and to see the complete table of contents — click here to visit the anthology’s Kickstarter page, the campaign for which is currently underway.

Somebody asked on twitter this week. Here are three movies based on stories I've written, and you can watch them all for free.

THE NAUGHTY LIST: Watch For Free
FAST ZOMBIES SUCK: Watch For Free
THE TIES THAT BIND: Watch For Free

That's it for this week. As always:

PATREON - Where I post new short stories, writing advice essays, a serialized ongoing novel, and behind-the-scenes stuff.

TWITTER - The only social media outlet I still use regularly.

BRIAN KEENE RADIO - Broadcasting for free 24/7

I'll see you back here next week!