Letters From the Labyrinth 371

The Day I Finally Tired

This space was supposed to be about my dear friend Bill Wahl, one of the founders and co-owners of Comix Connection — a chain of Central PA comic book shops. Bill passed away earlier this week, unexpectedly and in his sleep. I say unexpectedly, because I’d just been hanging out with him the day before, and artist Mike Hawthorne had been messaging with him the day before as well, and we both had plans to get together with him this weekend.

Except that didn’t happen.

Bill leaves behind two wonderful kids and a legacy like few I know. You know the stereotypical comic book store owner who’s a snob and an elitist and a fat neckbeard? That wasn’t Bill. He was a gregarious, friendly, Hawaiian shirt wearing skate punk who loved the comic book medium, as well as pulp horror and other cool stuff, and wanted to share his love and knowledge with others. He was also one of my longest, oldest, and dearest friends. I’ve known Bill almost 40 years and have shared many laughs and a few tears with him. And countless whiskeys. Bill knew good whiskey.

And I don’t have it in me to eulogize him here because, quite frankly, if I can be blunt with you — and in nearly 30 years of writing for a living, when have I ever not been blunt with you? I find myself unable to eulogize Bill here right now, because I’m fucking tired of eulogizing my friends. I mean, I’m still coming to grips with Weston’s passing. We don’t even bury Weston until next month (at Arlington National Cemetery, which is very cool), and now there goes Bill.

I feel like this is all somehow my fault. And I know there are detractors among you who will say, “Oh, look. Keene is making it all about himself.” And to them, I’d just point out, I’ve lost 33 friends in the last 10 years. That’s more than two per year. Friends from childhood. Navy buddies. Writer friends. And the only thing they had in common was me. I’m the common fucking denominator, so yeah, maybe this is all somehow my fault. Maybe somebody put a fucking hex on me or something.

Of course, I know that’s not true. And I know, logically, that it’s not my fault. But it sure as hell feels that way. And I don’t know how to process it anymore. Lord knows I’ve tried, both healthily and unhealthily. But there’s no amount of talk therapy, grief counseling, or excess drugs and booze that can help with this. “Just be glad you had 33 friends, Brian.” Well, that’s the thing, skippy.

Had.

I don’t have them anymore.

I’m angry and I’m sad, but mostly, I’m just tired.

I am finally tired. After 56 years of running full speed and keeping my pedal firmly to the metal, I have finally crashed into the wall.

Which is a hell of a place to be while juggling a full-time writing career, a full-time bookstore, a part-time charity position, a part-time HWA position, a part-time Splatterpunk Award position, three kids, a wife, aging parents, a grandma (who’s going to turn 100 in two years and may outlive us all), and a dwindling amount of still-living friends.

Good morning. I’m Brian Keene, and I’m waving to you from the wreckage of a life lived in the fast lane. That’s all I have the strength to do anymore. Just wave as you go by. That’s me, and this is Letters From the Labyrinth, a weekly newsletter for fans, friends, and family.

I can’t eulogize Bill, so what I wrote for Bill on the day of his death will have to suffice. You can read it here. In it, I talk a bit about how Bill was always supportive of my writing. One thing I didn’t mention was his support of my store. Here is a text exchange between us from last November.

Bill, like me, was always blunt and spoke his mind. And he did indeed give Mary and I a TON of pointers and help in the setting up of Vortex Books & Comics. It is Saturday as I write this, in the bookstore, and it is not lost on me that he had planned on coming in here today, right about the time I’m typing this (2:31pm).

I guess maybe I wrote a eulogy after all. Maybe half-assed, but that’s still pretty good considering that I’m typing it amidst a car crash of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion from which I may not be able to beat this time.

After 56 years on this planet, I finally know what it means to be tired…

Anyway...

I'll miss you, brother. See you in another life.

And here's one more pic. I believe it was Bill took this one of Jesus, me, and Mike Hawthorne. Now, Bill and Jesus are both gone, and Mike and I are both going gray (although he's grown an enviable lion's mane of hair in his old age).

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The preliminary programming schedule for Scares That Care’s AuthorCon III has been posted. You can view it here. Participants have until next Tuesday, March 12th, to request changes, corrections, etc. After that, it will be finalized and the actual programming schedule will be posted.

To purchase tickets for AuthorCon III, see our guests of honor, or more, go here.

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Work this past week focused on the first draft of FALLING ANGELS: THE LABYRINTH, Book 4 and first drafts of several commissioned LOST LEVEL stories. But in truth, it was mostly focused on the Scares That Care Authorcon III Programming Schedule.

Next week is gonna be a scramble. I have doctor stuff on Monday, and am driving up to New Jersey to visit with F. Paul Wilson on Tuesday. And then the store is open Wednesday though Sunday. Not sure how much actual writing I’ll get done, or when. Will have to make the time, rather than find the time. Sometimes, that’s the only way the job gets done — by making the time, rather than finding it.

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Currently Watching: Curb Your Enthusiasm (Max), Survivor season 46 (Paramount+), and rewatching Boardwalk Empire (Max).

Currently Reading: Heaven, Hell, Or Houston by Thomas Erb and The Handyman Method by Nick Cutter and Andrew F. Sullivan

Currently Listening: Brian Keene Radio

Folks have been asking me what I think of the trailer for the new Fallout series. I am cautious yet hopeful. I will say that Walton Goggins is some perfect and inspired casting for the role of the Ghoul.

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A reminder that I don’t do social media much anymore (other than for promotion). This newsletter and my Patreon my primary outlets for any real communication of substance. I Blog each morning on Patreon — just a few brief paragraphs that serve as a mini-version of this newsletter. You don’t need to be a paid Patreon subscriber to read them. They are accessible to everyone who subscribes to my Patreon, paid or not.

And that does it for this week. Thanks, as always, for reading. I’ll see you every morning this week on Patreon, and see you back here again next Sunday.

— Brian Keene